Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
