Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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