well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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