True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
