I heard we made out
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
