I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
