If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
