Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
