I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
