her vagine was all disorganized.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
