i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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