I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
