I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
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dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
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A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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