you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
