There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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