With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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