were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
