New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
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