It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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