from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I'm really busy with my period
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