The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Randomize
