Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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