I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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