Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
