Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
false alarm, still single
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