I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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