i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
there is glitter all over my balls
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
