You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
