She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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