The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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