we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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