Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
