I'll bet she douches with gravy.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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