Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
