Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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