i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
