btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
