How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
