somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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