u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
