and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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