Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
