she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I've blown a few things in my day
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
