Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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