He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
