My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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