Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
