Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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