I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize