I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
