that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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