At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
