i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
