No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
