If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
