Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize