You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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