We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
