I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
