i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
