she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
