i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
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There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
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She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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