I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
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