just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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