when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
