Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
