I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
